How To Say No and Why You Need to Learn To Do It More

Just Say No.

No.  Two letters.  Takes about a 10th of a second to say it.  (and no, I didn’t time that).  Such a simple thing.  Most children actually learn to say no before they learn to say yes.  So why do we have such a hard time with it?

Make no mistake.  I don’t.  In fact, I’m better at “no” than just about anyone I know.  I don’t know why. Many years ago I think I just figured out that it was easier to say no then to try any of the other strategies our culture has spawned to take its place.  

“Want to go to the polka night at Accordion Dave’s?”

“Can I think about it and call you later?”

“I’ve been thinking about it and I would love to join you in your business!”

“Wow ... that’s a great idea.  I just need to figure out how to fit you in.”

“I know you charge $5,000 for this, let’s just settle on $3500 and be done with it.”

“Uh, well, I mean, that’s hard, but, uh ... well, ok.”

“Did you like my display of bed bug art?”

“Yes!  So much!  I really thought it was amazing.”

It’s true, right?  Funny how many permutations “no” can take, from basic delaying tactics to flat out yeses.  I just think “no” is easier.  I don’t have to think about how I’m going to get out of accordion night later on.  I don’t have to fret about how to let this poor person who has no ability to be in my business but who thinks it would be fun down. I don’t regret selling my services for less than they’re worth.

The problem is that in our present culture, for some reason we have decided that saying no to someone is mean.  Frankly, I think saying yes and meaning no is meaner.  How much does it hurt the bed bug artist to find out that you hung their original artwork on the back of your storage unit?

Try it.  Take a moment.  Take a deep breath.  Form the word in your mind.  Now, slowly and quietly so no one can hear you, say it.  “No.”  Do it again.  Ah.  Don't you feel better?

My friends know that when I say yes I mean yes and when I say no I mean no.  It’s nice.  They don’t have to guess.  They’re used to it.  I think, like good fences make good neighbors, that good noes make good friendships.

In business sometimes it’s harder.  If you say no they may go away.  They may.  But is that really such a bad thing?  

In conversations I hear a lot of people actually talk themselves into yeses from what would have been firm noes.  (and then complaining about it later).  This is because we so fear hurting the person asking that we start out our no with a long "yesy" preamble.  

“Gosh, accordion night sounds so great!  That’s so cool that you do that.  That would be such fun.”  These are all phrases we like to put in front of our noes to soften the blow.  But when the asker interrupts us and says, “Wow, I’ve been looking for someone else who likes the accordion,” and stares longingly into your eyes, well, you’re off to hear three uninterrupted hours of polka.

It is much easier to make your first phrase your no phrase and you can actually do it without being insulting.  “You know what, I’ve never really liked either polka or the accordion and i think you’d have way more fun being there with someone who does.”

“Gosh, I’d love to do $3500 for you but I simply can’t.  The work that goes into what you’re asking for breaks out at $5000 for me and when I do projects at a discount I always resent it in the process.”

“Whatever possessed you to make bedbugs your medium?  I think it’s awesome that you’re doing your own thing and I’d love to see it out of curiosity, but I can promise you that it will give me the creeps.”

Next time someone asks you one of those questions that instantly brings the cold fear of no-ness into your bones try just saying no.  You might surprise yourself.  It’s easier than you think.

Why Your Business is Dying and What to Do About It.

“I don’t get it Jim.  I’m just not getting the business I used to.  I don’t know if it’s the recession or what but the phone’s just not ringing as much.  I may have to shut down my business.  (and the problem with that is that I just have no idea what I would do next!)”

Over the course of the last four months I’ve heard quotes and comments like this more than I’ve ever heard them before.  Once thriving small businesses are dying.  Proprietors are trying all of the tricks, but nothing seems to work.  Is the business dead, or is there something they haven’t tried?  Can I help?

The first thing I say in any of these situations is pretty simple.  Business is business.  It has to start and end there.  I know, for many, it’s not as simple as that.  Their business isn’t just their business, it’s their life.  Their dream was to pass it on to their kids.  It is their endowment to their world.  The thing is that while it may feel that way to you, to most of the folks who walk through the door it’s a business.  The first step to the next step is to take a deep breath and see the business through their eyes.  The stunning realization that comes after that is, sometimes, that the business in its original form is dead.  The world moved on.  The business did not.  It’s time to move on.  

More often though, to borrow a line from “The Princess Bride,” the business isn’t actually dead, it’s “only mostly dead,”  and as Billy Crystal put it, “there is a big difference!”  Sadly, there isn’t a gigantic pill to swallow to bring it back, but if you had the energy to start the business in the first place, chances are, you’ll have the energy to bring it back.  You just have to be prepared to change.

The most common mistake small businesses make is stagnancy.  The business is started and the founder/owner puts all of their creative energy into growing it and making it a success. Adjustments are made to tailor the business to customers’ needs and wishes.  The business begins to succeed.  The founder/owner continues to serve customers with passion.  It’s fun, a dream fulfilled.

Then one day the business owner realizes that profits are down.  When the world outside is complaining about recession it’s easy to assume that’s the problem.  Of course profits are down.  “It’s the economy stupid.”  But what if it’s not?

In these cases there are two critical things the owner must do to revive their business.  The most important is to interact with customers.  Get in touch with the regulars, or the regulars of the past.  Take them to coffee.  Ask them what they think about the business.  Listen.  Be ready to change.  That all small businesses get the lion’s share of their new customers via word of mouth is axiomatic.  If your ‘regulars’ aren’t excited about your business, you can bet they won’t be talking about it.  If they aren’t excited now, what would they be excited about?  How can you make the business more convenient, more relevant, more inline with what is needed today?  No better person to ask than a customer.  When they begin to see changes, they’ll tell their friends.

The second critical thing is to gain an understanding of how the new world of marketing works.  Wait - don’t jump ship.  This doesn’t mean you have to establish a Pinterest page or learn to tweet (though you may), but it does mean that if you are still relying on that yellow pages ad then you’re in trouble, even if it comes with a “free web listing” and “listings on all of the major search engines.”  The new world of marketing isn’t about the internet.  The internet is just a tool.  The new world of marketing is about connection.  There are many ways that you can drive connection without ever logging on.  

Let’s talk about that tomorrow.

Using Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. to Grow Your Small Business

Understanding the options and uses of the various social media channels is a challenge for any small business.  In this area pretty much anyone from my generation (those over 35 to be sure) would strongly agree that younger folks have an advantage.   Those (damn) kids grew up with Facebook so they know how to use it.  For anyone who’s a little older, no matter how long we’ve been on we always feel a little like we’re visitors in a foreign land.  (this is actually good, and I’ll get to why in a minute).  Here’s the thing.  The biggest mistake any small business can make is to ignore this important new channel.

If the bridge to success in new world marketing is connection with customers, social media channels are the elements on which these bridges are built and sustained.  Most of today’s small businesses get this.  The problem is figuring out how to pull the strings to get the results you seek.  Many make the mistake of simply putting up a quasi promotional Facebook fan page and establishing a pithy twitter ID and then wonder why no one cares.  

The biggest thing to understand is that the connection that occurs when social media is used best is not a connection between a customer and a business.  It is a connection between people.  Businesses post quasi advertisements on Twitter all the time promoting specials, new products, etc.  While in very rare cases these announcements may have an impact, in most they won’t and so the business decides that Twitter doesn’t work.  That’s a little like deciding a cordless drill doesn’t work when you try to use it with a dead battery.  You did nothing to ‘charge’ the audience and so the audience doesn’t respond when you attempt to connect.

To build an initial following it is a much better idea to enlist highly connected customers as your allies.  If you are releasing a new product, release it to them first.  Get them to tweet about it if they love it and then re-tweet their love for your product.  These ‘tweets’ (after while you get used to the vocabulary) will inevitably spawn questions from others and the power of your social web increases dramatically if you are vigilant and transparent in responding to those tweets, not as THE COMPANY, but as an individual connected with the company.

Some restaurants are beginning to learn how to use this to their advantage.  Imagine a customer’s surprise and pleasure when after tweeting that they are headed to the restaurant that night for dinner, the restaurant responds and lets them know that their favorite table has been reserved for them.  (and imagine what that says to everyone who follows either the restaurant or the individual).  The same can be managed in a connected world of Facebook where an image of a newly purchased pair of shoes from a local store can be followed up with a comment from the store letting the customer know how much they loved seeing the customer.  

Note that in neither case would I recommend following up the initial comment with a promotional offer of any kind. Doing so is a pretty major violation of the unwritten etiquette of social media.  You are essentially hijacking their comment and that’s a no no.  However, dropping them a note on their thread as any friend might changes the dynamic of your relationship.  You are no longer a faceless business.  You are their friend.  It is on these connections that social media gains its real strength.

In my next post I’ll give you some tips on effective ways to manage all of this (so you have time to actually run your business).

Social Media for Business. Demystifying a Powerful Channel

There are a lot of folks who purport to be experts in new world advertising.  There are few who really are.  The reason for this is simple.  Saying that you’re an expert can get you paid a lot of money by people who are trying to figure it out, and, no one has really ‘figured it out’ yet.

There is no question that for any business the process of getting your message across has become a much more complicated thing than it used to be.  When I first started in marketing, advertising was a pretty simple equation.  We used variables of reach, frequency and CPM to determine whether our message was getting to the people we wanted to hear it and we used tracking variables such as unique phone numbers, promo codes and sales incentives to determine whether the people we wanted to hear the message were moved by the message.  On that basis we could pretty easily determine whether we were making money or losing money on our advertising dollars.

Then came the internet and then came social media.  The internet by itself didn’t change much.  In fact, for savvy users it made things even easier.  I no longer had to rely on consumer behavior to know if my adds were working, I could track clicks.  And then came social media.

Personal recommendation is the true power of social media and engagement is the fuel that drives the bus.  The trick is that in most cases the way engagement is driven must be subtle and active.  Consumers should be invited to participate but they should never feel forced to participate and any sense of manipulation is death.

In order for social media to truly work, companies must establish an online personality and they must interact with consumers in their (this is to say, the consumer's) chosen media.  When a consumer complains about poor service via twitter, respond.  When a consumer posts an image of a favored product on Instagram, respond.  Encourage consumer information sharing and story telling via heavier media such as blogs.  

The real key to engagement is a sense of connection.  Connection is fed by acts of transparency.  Transparency is fueled by authenticity.  Trust is built through consistency.  For these reasons it is just as important for companies to “fess up when they mess up” as it is to celebrate when something is great.  Frankly, it’s MORE important.  What is really interesting about the emerging communications marketplace is that consumers understand that companies are going to mess up.  They’re even willing to forgive when it occurs.  In my experience, companies give consumers too little credit. So it isn’t whether or not you are perfect, it is how you engage when you are not.  I was always fascinated by the fact that I gained far more twitter followers when things weren’t well than I did when things were good.

Over the next few weeks I will be posting a series of social media oriented how to’s designed to help small businesses understand the value, nature, and use of today’s media channels.  Please feel free to ask questions, debate, etc., directly on my blog.  After all, that’s engagement, right?

This Present Fog. A Prescription for Challenging Times

If you’re anything like me you’re probably having a hard time “feeling it” this year. I think sometimes we get lost in what’s happening immediately around us. What’s going on with our lives. Is it a struggle to just pay the bills? Does business feel harder and harder? When things are harder we humans tend to have a shrunken world view. Why is it so hard for me?

This is when I think community forums and other personal and professional connections can be so valuable. The truth is that we aren’t alone in our struggles and the one gift I think the internet has given us is the ability to connect with people we’d have never met otherwise who’s experience so mimics our own that we can’t help but listen when they say, “here’s what I did and it worked for me.”

I also think it is important to point out that the current economic environment is incredibly wearing. It seems like every time we hear a shred of good news it is accompanied almost immediately by bad news. Stuff we couldn’t possibly have any control at all over seems to be impacting our own livelihood. (If you actually have ANY control over Greek or Irish banks, could you please stop reading now and go and fix them so I can have a better Christmas?) We keep hoping that tomorrow will bring better news, but we keep finding the same thing around time’s bend. The track keeps going, but it continues in a murk. When will we punch through?

In this business, a business that serves not the necessary but the desired, these weights continue to hold especially true. When people are having a hard time covering the necessities, paying a professional photographer is a long way down the priority list. For working professionals there are fewer jobs and they are farther between. This environment has been made more challenging due to the emergence of so many new photographers.

So how do you keep going? How do you maintain your creative vision? How do you keep your business afloat? Isn’t it easier to just give up?

At this point you’re probably ready for some pithy statement that makes you smile and makes it easier. I don’t have that for you. In fact, what I have may not help at all. It depends on you.

In times like this I have to remind myself that I do not, by myself, determine all of the outcomes. There is nothing I can do to change the world economic situation. There is nothing I can do to change consumer sentiment. The impact of the challenging economy is pervasive. It even impacts our moods. We get one more “no” and we think it must be us. Look, sometimes it is us, and so a vigilance around our business is a good idea. Are we communicating in the best, most efficient way? But just as often that “no” has nothing to do with us.

Ships captains of old dreaded few things more than fog. Fog obscured vision. It forced the world around the ship to close in. The lives and safety of the crew became an obsession. Several days in a mid ocean fog could drive men toward the edges of sanity. Every morning they rose hoping for a glimpse of the sun or a star to reckon by. Every night when they crawled into their berth, they wished or prayed the same thing. Lift the fog.

In that fog there was little the mariner could do beyond stare at the compass, keep the ship’s heading true and trust the charts created by those who’d gone before. Ships with lesser captains foundered on rocks or shoals when they went in search of shelter, to wait it out until the fog was gone or they found themselves run aground or hopelessly lost when captains recklessly pressed on without proper vigilance. Being too careful or foolishly courageous could get you killed. The best course was simply to carefully press on, knowing that the fog would eventually lift. It was to trust the compass and the other experts on board, make solid, informed decisions, and go.

It is the same for us. We can’t control the fog. We can’t change the economy. We can’t be too careful, or our lack of progress will be a self-fulfilling prophesy, and we can’t press on too hard or we could easily run aground. We simply need to trust what we know and forge ahead with enough conservatism to make it through but enough careful progress to be where we want to be when the fog lifts.

The only good news is that the fog will lift. I’ll leave the conjecture about when that is going to happen to others (and frankly I couldn’t care less what the “experts” have to say these days) but I’ll make sure that we’re moving forward in a way that both ensures progress and keeps us solid in challenging times. Perhaps that will also work for you and in a bigger way, perhaps the knowledge that what you’re feeling and seeing isn’t unique to you will help.

What’s next is what’s important.

JC